


Never Would He Ever

by Zoe13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 05:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is in love with Zayn, but Zayn is dating Perrie. He feels that, if he tells him, he'll ruin everything. Heartbroken, he begins to fall into depression- but what happens when the boys find out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Would He Ever

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a song I once wrote. It goes something like  
> 'Never would he ever love a person like me  
> When I'm falling into pieces and dying inside  
> Never would he ever see a person like me  
> When you're standing in his sights, beautiful  
> And so alive.'
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Once he'd discovered that he loved Zayn, Niall realized he had since the beginning. It had taken him quite some time to come to terms with it, but it wouldn't go away and he'd basically been forced to.  
It hadn't even hit the crush stage- he loved him from the first. Zayn wasn't the mysterious badboy most casual spectators would think at all. He was Niall's best friend. He was caring, sweet, and funny. He was overprotective but in a way that made Niall feel warm all over. But that was the problem- he couldn't get too close. 

After all, there was Perrie. Light purple hair, blue eyes, amazing voice, hilarious sense of humor. She was perfection, everything Niall was not. 

Niall knew that if he said anything, Zayn wouldn't love him back, but he would bend over backwards trying. He would do anything- even leave Perrie. And Niall couldn't do that, couldn't let Zayn ruin his life because Niall loved him. 

No, he'd observe silently, growing more and more distant as his heart froze over. His silence was for Zayn, because he loved him.  
__

"Hey Nialler!" Liam greeted, waving Niall over. They'd finally had time to go out to lunch and relax, just the five of them; no girlfriends allowed, much to Niall's relief. He'd found out right away that he couldn't hate Perrie and that had made it even more agonizing. He sighed inwardly as he was stuck in the booth by Zayn. He avoided the raven's sideways gaze as they ordered and listened to Louis' chatter instead. 

"So then I tell her," Louis chortled, "where she can stick that and she flounces away in 'high dungeon,' as they say in all the books. And then these two girls walk up to her and she starts talking to them and glaring and they glare until she points at me and then they start squealing-" 

Niall tuned him out, freezing as an arm went around his shoulder. He tensed, despising how close they'd all gotten for the first time in his life. He felt like he was going to explode as the seconds ticked by and Zayn chatted casually with Liam, his arm still around Niall. 

Suddenly Niall snapped, jumping up and dumping Zayn's arm unceremoniously. "I! ...uhm. I have to go...to the bathroom." He turned and fled, ignoring the startled looks on his bandmates' faces. He pushed open the door, letting it swing shut as the cool air hit his face. He deflated, back scraping the brick as he slid to the ground and hugged his knees, the wind blowing gently on the tears that streamed quietly down his face. 

He couldn't take it- he had to set up a barrier.  
__

Over the next weeks he made it obvious as he pushed Zayn away. It wasn't only for his sanity, he really just  
/couldn't let Zayn know/. He couldn't ruin Zayn's life because he was an idiot. 

Turning, he groaned as Liam ran toward him. The brunette was alone and Niall figured he'd come for a talk with him. They weren't on for another hour and Liam would probably keep him for at least half of that. 

"We need to talk, Niall," Liam said firmly, grasping Niall's arm and pulling him into a side room. Niall sighed and sat down on the floor, Liam sliding down next to him. 

"So?" he asked. Liam sighed. 

"Well you and Zayn have always been close, but lately you've been pushing him away. Did he- did you fight or something?" Liam looked at him worriedly and Niall shook his head. 

"No."

"Then what is it? You're hurting him, Niall. I know you're not mean- you're not doing it on purpose- but you're still hurting him. Did he offend you somehow?"

"No..." Niall fidgeted, glancing at the door- as if he could escape 'Daddy Direction.'

"Then what is it?" Liam exclaimed, exasperated. 

"You wouldn't understand!" Niall ran a shaking hand over his face. "You just wouldn't."

"Try me," Liam said encouragingly. "I might. Something's obviously wrong and really needs to be fixed! Zayn's really struggling, Niall. I think you're the closest to him of all of us. Please, just help me out here."

Niall collapsed inwardly. "I- I love him." He glanced at Liam, the brunette's surprised face causing him to groan. "I'm sorry. That's why, though. He and Perrie- they're perfect. And you know he'd do anything to make me happy. He'd /try/ to love me, Liam, and that would be terrible. I couldn't live with that." He covered his face, tears dripping onto his lap. Suddenly Liam's arms wrapped around him and Liam leaned his head on Niall's shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I-I didn't know. Maybe you should tell hi-"

"NO!" Niall jolted up. "I can't! I'll ruin him, Liam, don't you see? He will /never/ love me, and I can't tell him because he'll ruin himself trying. Just- just leave it be." Liam sat back again. 

"Okay Niall," he said quietly. "Just tell me if you need a distraction or someone to talk to, okay? I'm here." He hugged Niall again before stepping out, the door shutting softly behind him. 

Niall curled up and cried.  
__

Niall leaned over the sink, examining his face in the mirror. Even he could tell that he looked terrible. His eyes were underlined with heavy dark circles and his pale skin was tinged grey. His face was hollow looking. He hadn't seen the boys in several weeks- they'd had some time off- and he had to make himself look normal.  
He gingerly picked up the powder he'd taken from the makeup artist and brushed it on. It took him some time, but he finally managed. He rubbed his cheeks until they were the usual red and left, hoping no one would notice anything amiss.  
He made sure to pull his sleeves over the jagged red lines on his arms.  
__

"Nialler!" Louis enveloped him in a tight hug as Niall entered the hotel where they were staying that night. The others had crowded in Harry's room and were talking, but stopped to greet Niall as he came in. He forced a smile, a painful upward tug of his lips, and hugged Louis back. It was comforting to hug the brunette, but Louis let go quickly and flopped back on the bed. Niall sat before the others could get close enough to hug him too. 

"How are you all?" he asked, wincing at the polite tone. He avoided Zayn's eyes. 

"C'mon guys," Paul spoke through the door. "Off to bed." Four groans sounded and Niall half jumped up, ready to hide from Liam's searching gaze. The other boy was suspicious and Niall didn't want him to know. As he stepped out, Liam grabbed his arm, pulling him aside. Niall yanked his arm away. 

"What?" he tried to steady his voice as Louis and Zayn disappeared around the corner and Harry shut his door.

"Niall," Liam half-scolded. Niall leaned against the wall and looked at him expectantly. Liam sighed. "What's going on?"

"What?" Niall asked innocently. Liam's glare shut him up immediately. 

"Niall, it's obvious that there's /something/ wrong. Just stop playing these games! You can trust me. Let me help you." Niall felt his face grow stony as he froze up. 

"Leave me alone, Liam. I'm fine." He turned.

"Niall-"

"Leave it alone!" Liam's eyes widened as Niall left, tears blinding the blonde as he searched for his room number.  
He just kept screwing up.  
__

Niall looked around at the four other boys. He felt like he had no choice in pushing them away. They were getting too close and he just couldn't let anything out. Not just for himself, or even just for Zayn, but for the band.  
He couldn't let on that he was a wreck. 

His heart stopped as Harry leaned closer to him, eyes locked on his face. 

"Is that...makeup, Niall?" he asked, confused. Three other faces leaned into Niall suddenly, examining his face. Zayn reached up and swiped a finger under Niall's left eye, some of the powder coming away on his fingertip.  
Niall panicked. Grabbing the Pakistani boy's wrist, he shoved him away, backing up quickly. 

"It's...it's nothing." He felt sick- his heart was stuttering and his voice was quavering. His hands shook as he reached up, feeling his face.  
Liam sucked in a sharp breath. 

"Niall, what is that?" he asked. Niall wanted to cry as he looked down to see that his sleeve had pulled up, at least a dozen of his cuts showing bright red against his skin. 

"Niall!" Louis looked up at the blonde in shock. Zayn's eyes were locked on the cuts. 

"I-" tears slipped down his face as he stood, facing the others. "I'm sorry."  
He ran, ignoring the others calling for him as he stumbled into his room and collapsed. His body wracked with sobs as he ran his fingers down his cuts, rocking back and forth in the dark.  
__

"Niall!" the four stood, looking at each other. 

"What are we supposed to do?" Harry asked finally. "I mean, we had no idea! I never even knew anything was wrong." Louis put an arm around Harry, sighing. Liam clenched his fists. 

"This is my fault."

"What?!" they all turned to look at him. Liam sat down again, his face in his hands. 

"I knew he was having problems, but he said he was fine! I knew he was struggling, but I never- I never guessed..." Harry sat by Liam, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"It's not your fault, Liam."

"Struggling with what?" Zayn finally asked. They all turned to him, surprised. He hadn't said a word the whole time and now his tone was sharp. His eyes were wide, though, and they knew he was worried. 

"He- um," Liam bit his lip. "I told him I wouldn't say!"

"Now is /not/ the time, Liam!" Zayn snapped. Liam finally nodded. 

"He's having problems because he's in love."

"Why is that a problem?" Harry asked, confused. 

"Because it's Zayn!" Liam burst out, covering his face again. Zayn jolted, eyes wide, before he started pacing. "He said he didn't have a chance because of Perrie-"

"Wait. What?" Zayn stopped pacing and turned. "But I- we're- I'm not- that's all management!" Louis, Harry and Liam looked at him in shock. 

"It is?"

"Yeah!" he ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. 

"We had no idea," Louis said quietly, looking at the still open door where Niall had disappeared. 

"What about Niall?" Harry asked.

"I'm going to find him. Stay here!" Zayn raced out the door, leaving the others behind.  
__

Niall froze as the door opened, cursing himself for not locking it. 

"Niall?" it was Zayn. Of course it was Zayn. Fate just hated Niall like that.  
The Bradford boy knelt by him, reaching down and pulling him up to a sitting position. Niall wiped his face quickly, avoiding Zayn's eyes. 

"Hey," he said, laughing almost bitterly. Zayn sighed. 

"Liam said it was because of me," he said quietly. Niall laughed again. 

"Of course. And now you're here to let me down gently. Well it's alright- you can go. I get it. You're with Per-"

"I'm not, though!" Zayn burst out. "Not- not really."

"You're not?" Tear-filled eyes looked up at him and Zayn shook his head. 

"Management thought it would be good and I- I didn't even think that you didn't know that. She's great, but...she's not you," he said softly. Niall's head whipped up. 

"What?" he whispered, eyes wide. Zayn nodded, knowing Niall had heard. 

"I'm in love with you," Zayn said simply. "I feel like I've always been." Niall fell forward, Zayn's arms catching him and holding him tightly as he sobbed. 

"I didn't want you to know! I thought- I thought you loved Perrie and I thought that you'd try to love me because you're just...you, and I couldn't live with that. I thought- I-" he stopped, curling his hand in Zayn's jacket as he cried, Zayn's own tears falling on his head.

Three sets of eyes turned away, as Louis, Liam, and Harry let the door shut with an almost inaudible click. 

"Well, that's taken care of," Louis said, satisfied. 

"Yes, I think it is." Liam smiled as Louis and Harry slung their arms around him, turning and heading down the hallway.  
__

"Ugh. You're giving me more cavities!" Louis collapsed dramatically on the bed in Liam's hotel room. Niall giggled at him and Zayn smiled down at the boy in his arms. 

"Like you and Harry haven't rotted all my teeth," Liam said dryly from the other chair. Louis snickered and Harry pecked him on the lips.

"Ow! When you do it that fast it hurts." Louis glared at the other and Niall laughed again, covering his face as they all smiled. 

Zayn sighed contentedly. Things were back to normal-  
no wait.  
They were better.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it..it's my first fanfic on here. Please tell me what you think!
> 
> -ZH


End file.
